Random Lady: “New chapter?”
Yep.
Random Lady: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
After a crazy month of being gone -cringes in shame- we’re back and kicking! Last time, a bunch of stuff happened that led up to a heir poll and thus a new heir being chosen.
Neither Monica or Phoebe were chosen as heir. I’ve called them up to the blue polka dotted couch to discuss their fate. But first, there is something that I feel I must point out:
Monica has (faint) abs. Moving along.
Monica, Phoebe, do you know why you’ve been summoned to the couch?
Monica: “Well, the viewers didn’t love us enough to vote for us as heir. Instead, they chose one of our younger siblings in our place.”
Monica: “We’ll get released into the wild, and since Goatster frowns upon the use of Twallan’s Story Progression, I won’t be able to have the five children I need for my LTW; I probably won’t have any children.”
Hey, I don’t frown upon the use of it! It just makes my game lag and gives me pop ups all the time that I don’t want to be there. Is that so wrong?
Phoebe: “Yes.”
Well… well… I don’t like you!
Phoebe: “At least the fans that did vote for us will see us at the parties she throws. If that ever happens.”
About that…
Phoebe: “No parties?”
Well no. I kind of lied when I said I didn’t like you. What I meant to say was that I was kind of sorta thinking of keeping you around until you’ve painted me some portraits and finished you LTW.
Phoebe: “You’re kidding, right?”
…..
Phoebe: “No?”
Monica: “Lol, sucks for you.”
I’m sorry, but I need someone to paint portraits for me before Helga becomes an elder. Plus, your face is so adorable that I need to keep it around for a bit; I just want to squish it!
Phoebe: “What did I ever do to deserve this?”
You’ll get over it. Stop being such a drama llama.
With Monica and Phoebe out of the race, we’re left with the final contestants of the heir poll: Rachel and Ross. To save you from the waiting game, I’ll tell you who it wasn’t:
Rachel.
Ross: “Naturally.”
Needless to say, I was surprised by the amount of fanfare Ross had. Being the youngest of the bunch, I was certain Ross’s older siblings would leave him in the dust. It must have been that lovely face of his that saved the day.
Unfortunately, Ross’s winning posed a delay in the generation. Because Ross is a child and still a teen by the end of this update, it will be classified as a generation one chapter. The next chapter will be the official start to generation two.
As a child, I thought it would be beneficial for Ross to go out to the park and play as a growing child should.
(Read as: I sent the rest of the family away on vacation and he and Rachel were all I had left.)
I believe all the ladies in the group will agree that this song is this man’s theme song.
BEBE! What has the outside world DONE to you?!
Okay okay, that’s a little bit better. She still looks like she’s been possessed.
Bebe: “Ooooh…”
Quick! Shield your eyes and look at something else!
Heyyyy, it’s that girl who’s Ross’s half-sister. I have no idea what her name is which is sad considering that she was in one of the first chapters so we’ll just call her Helen. All red-heads seem like Helen’s to me, save my friend’s cat who had black fur.
Ross: “You’re my sister?”
Helen: “Yeah.”
Ross: “….”
Helen: “….”
Ross: “Wanna play tag?”
So they did. Yey for sibling bondage!
I fixed Bebe’s hair. The hair she had before was NOT doing her any favors.
Back home, tragedy struck: Joey’s diaper was full. Hysterical crying and flailing limbs ensued.
Joey: “RACHEEEEEEEEEEL!”
Rachel: “I picked it up. Now what?”
Change him?
Rachel: “Sure. In a million years from now that’ll happen.”
Joey: “I’M STILL STINKY!”
-face palms and drags- Just do it!
Rachel: “Let’s see. Change a kid’s diaper or violate the property of the neighbor’s house?”
Rachel: “This is such a hard decision!”
…
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t agree with her on this. You know those sims toddlers that you just want to punch because they don’t shut up? Joey is one of them.
Rachel: “Take this, snooty rich people!”
Nancy: “I’m going to call the cops on you, vandal!”
So that they can bring her all ten feet back to her home?
Like any sim teenager with her parents gone, Rachel phoned up the two teenagers she knew to throw the wildest party of the century.
A classy wild party, apparently. This guy here even got his eyebrows plucked for the occasion!
Girl with bad hair: “Oh baby, baby…”
Rachel, your friends are creepy.
Aw, look who I found in the bathroom! I could just pinch him!
Ross: “Please don’t.”
Naturally, Ross had to spite me by changing out of his cute tuxedo and into… that.
What the hell happened to his hand?
Pizza lady: “You order this?”
Ross: “Yeah. My sister doesn’t cook; I’d starve otherwise.”
True story.
Is it just me, or does seeing pizza in the sims always make you want to go out and have some yourself? Even looking at this picture makes me want to grab the leftovers from the fridge.
Ross: “The king approves.”
Well that settles it. I’ll be right back.
Rachel: “Hey! You were supposed to come to the party an hour ago. Where have you–oh, hi Mom. A party? What? Mom, you must be hearing things. Well bai!”
Smooth.
The following day the adults arrived home and Helga proceeded to stare at the wall as though she watching the paint dry.
Helga?
Helga: “Wha?”
Where’s Jared?
Helga: “…I don’t know.”
Jared? Why the hell are you all the way out here?
Jared: “I wanted to be like those guys in the action movies so I jumped out the taxi while it was moving.”
Go home! The son that you were never there for as a baby is growing up.
Ross: “Lol too late. Already grew up.”
Jerk.
Joey: “I’M STINKY AGAIN!”
God, why can’t you just crawl back to hell? You know, the place where you spawned.
Joey: “How about I crash the game instead?”
How about you don’t–
-CRASH-
Freaking balls.
So the next time I booted up the game (approximately three weeks later; I was bitter) I ignored the vacation opportunity and instead let Bebe Monica and Phoebe graduate. Monica was awarded Valedictorian and was voted Most Likely to Become a Sports Star.
Phoebe got Most Likely to be Mediocre.
Mediocre? Fft. I scoff at that! Phoebe can do way better than mediocre.
Okay maybe not.
Way to piss all over my words, Phoebe. Literally.
Originally I was planning on doing a special from Helga’s point of view about Monica getting married, where she would get left at the altar and Helga would go kick Terence’s ass to end her generation, but then my game had to go be a meanie and crash on me, leaving me with no inspiration. So now I’m doing it the classic way: a quickie marriage.
You are now pronounced man and wife. Now pack your bags and only come back home for parties.
Helga: “Come at me bro!”
At first I was like: “What the hell?” but then I realized she was heckling, which was a feature I’d never experienced since installing Showtime.
Oh yeah: I installed Showtime by this point.
Ross? You learned Chinese?
Ross: “I wish. This book would make a lot more sense if I did.”
Birthday time. Again. This time with a cake!
Do those flames look pink to anyone else? They look pink to me.
Ross grew up well, I think. He gained Great Kisser as his new trait.
Rachel: “You forgetting someone?”
Of course not!
Rachel gained Hopeless Romantic as her final trait. She’s so cute. I almost wish she didn’t have to go, but nevertheless she was given a job as a criminal and booted out.
We’ll see you at parties, darling!
I’ve chosen to leave you all with this awesome/slightly disturbing painting of a tied up mannequin. Perhaps Phoebe is trying to tell me something? Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is it’s about freaking time I posted this. Sheesh.
Until next time!
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Points: 2
So sit back, grab a snack, and enjoy!
